The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Museum of Bad Art
- This is my favorite one. It reminds me of the shark from James and the Giant Peach.
- This cat is creepy but it is amazingly done.
- And all kidding aside, I really like this one.
Showing posts with label lol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lol. Show all posts
Friday, February 13, 2009
I have no words
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Jokes
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walked into a bar. "What is this?" said the bartender, "some kind of joke?"
A snail was mugged by a couple of turtles. When the police asked him what happened, he said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast"
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Hey, nice belt!"
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You drive, I'll man the cannon."
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
What’s Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na (sung like the opening to his 5th)
And some new ones for my “man-with-no-arms-and-no-legs” collection:
1. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox? Bill.
2. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs flying over a fence? Homer
3. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell
4. What do you call TWO armless and legless men hanging over a window? Curt and Rod
A man walks into a bar with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here, but I'll tell you what, you can try saying it's your seeing-eye dog." The second man thanks the first, walks up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They don't have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q: How many Surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: Potato
If you start a man a fire, he'll be warm for a night. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
This one’s dirty but it made me chuckle: A Rabbit and a Bear are pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no, I don't." So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.
What’s small and green and has 4 wheels? Peas, I was kidding about the wheels.
Confucius say “He who runs behind the car gets exhausted; he who runs in front of the car gets tired.”
Links:
Soup is such a funny word.
Revenge
Have a nice day
I rock
Farts
Cutest little rat ever
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walked into a bar. "What is this?" said the bartender, "some kind of joke?"
A snail was mugged by a couple of turtles. When the police asked him what happened, he said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast"
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Hey, nice belt!"
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You drive, I'll man the cannon."
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
What’s Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na (sung like the opening to his 5th)
And some new ones for my “man-with-no-arms-and-no-legs” collection:
1. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox? Bill.
2. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs flying over a fence? Homer
3. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell
4. What do you call TWO armless and legless men hanging over a window? Curt and Rod
A man walks into a bar with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here, but I'll tell you what, you can try saying it's your seeing-eye dog." The second man thanks the first, walks up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They don't have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q: How many Surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: Potato
If you start a man a fire, he'll be warm for a night. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
This one’s dirty but it made me chuckle: A Rabbit and a Bear are pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no, I don't." So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.
What’s small and green and has 4 wheels? Peas, I was kidding about the wheels.
Confucius say “He who runs behind the car gets exhausted; he who runs in front of the car gets tired.”
Links:
Soup is such a funny word.
Revenge
Have a nice day
I rock
Farts
Cutest little rat ever
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
lol
The label is the beer's birth certificate and, in that regard, designing a beer label is a little bit like conception. The act of procreation is a pleasure, but secondary to the joy of seeing your child (in this case, the beer) enter the world, well received, in his fancy new blanket.
lol fancy new blanket :)
Why do laughing babies make me so happy?
Jump rope
Happy
Rocko
The cutest kitten ever!
lol fancy new blanket :)
Why do laughing babies make me so happy?
Jump rope
Happy
Rocko
The cutest kitten ever!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Silly
I love Andrew. He says some of the dumbest things.
Example 1: A long time ago, I was sitting at the table doing something and Andrew was in the kitchen putting the dishes away when I heard, “Snaggletooth. That’s what I’ll call you.” I turned to look at him and he was all like “what?” One of the knives had a bent tip.
Example 2: On the ride home from Mom & Dad’s Saturday, we were “playing” the license plate game. I called Florida just because and the very next car (surprisingly) was a Florida and Andrew goes “ha! I call Florida.” Then, under his breath, “Ooh bip.” With emphasis on the p. I laughed so hard that he asked if I wanted to pull over.
Another thing that made me hysterical was on Sunday. We were watching The Smoking Gun Presents…The World’s Dumbest whatevers and this idiot stole a Krispy Kreme truck and was running from the cops spilling donuts everywhere. One of the commenters said it was like chum to angry sharks and I just about lost it for like half an hour. I even did that stupid wheezing thing.
And now for something completely different…
I put the Xmas pictures up on Picasa. Click on the slideshow to the right. I’m trying to come up with a better design for the site. Just give me some time (or ideas).
Links:
Fighter cat
Example 1: A long time ago, I was sitting at the table doing something and Andrew was in the kitchen putting the dishes away when I heard, “Snaggletooth. That’s what I’ll call you.” I turned to look at him and he was all like “what?” One of the knives had a bent tip.
Example 2: On the ride home from Mom & Dad’s Saturday, we were “playing” the license plate game. I called Florida just because and the very next car (surprisingly) was a Florida and Andrew goes “ha! I call Florida.” Then, under his breath, “Ooh bip.” With emphasis on the p. I laughed so hard that he asked if I wanted to pull over.
Another thing that made me hysterical was on Sunday. We were watching The Smoking Gun Presents…The World’s Dumbest whatevers and this idiot stole a Krispy Kreme truck and was running from the cops spilling donuts everywhere. One of the commenters said it was like chum to angry sharks and I just about lost it for like half an hour. I even did that stupid wheezing thing.
And now for something completely different…
I put the Xmas pictures up on Picasa. Click on the slideshow to the right. I’m trying to come up with a better design for the site. Just give me some time (or ideas).
Links:
Fighter cat
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Today calls for two posts
A ridiculous site. I love it. ThingsBearsLove.com I think my favorite is the petting zoo. Be sure to check out the source code too. Bears love source code lol
This site is even more ridiculous. It is 10 reasons why dating a unicorn would rule.
And if you thought the last one was the worst, click here. Why dating a T-Rex is a no-no.
Or here and see if your cat is trying to kill you.
Or here for reasons to grow an awesome beard.
This is bizarre.
This is random.
This is absolutely hysterical! So is this.
Just mowin’ the lawn.
Sometimes I feel like this on the inside. I never feel this bad, but totally understand how someone could. And this is why.
So, since I’m a nerd, this I can identify with, but I don’t know about anyone else who reads this. Also, as sad as this sounds, this would be impressive.
This site is even more ridiculous. It is 10 reasons why dating a unicorn would rule.
And if you thought the last one was the worst, click here. Why dating a T-Rex is a no-no.
Or here and see if your cat is trying to kill you.
Or here for reasons to grow an awesome beard.
This is bizarre.
This is random.
This is absolutely hysterical! So is this.
Just mowin’ the lawn.
Sometimes I feel like this on the inside. I never feel this bad, but totally understand how someone could. And this is why.
So, since I’m a nerd, this I can identify with, but I don’t know about anyone else who reads this. Also, as sad as this sounds, this would be impressive.
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